Posted in food review, review, sweets

Siri: show me an ice cream flavour that can’t possibly work, can it?

The good folks over at Haagen Dazs have obviously got bored during lockdown and decided to take a leaf from Ben and Jerry’s book of “what ice cream flavour would I think of if I was massively high?”

Even before trying this tub of Honey and Peach with Rose you just know it’s going to be disgusting.

But is it?

Actually, no! It’s not disgusting at all!

I lie. It’s fucking horrendous and tastes like what I imagine lavender and the year 1933 would taste like if you’re stuck in an old folks home waiting for a slow, boring death from an irreversible neurodegenerative condition.

Tl;dr
Haagen Dazs Honey and Rosewater Hallucinogenic Experience ice cream is inedible.

But what do you think? Think I’m being all mean and should remember the halcyon days of 1933 and lavender with a bit more affection? Then hook me up in the comments or Spotify where my band is!

Posted in chinese, ethnic, experimental, fast food, fine dining, fish, food photography, food review, fungi, fusion, holiday food, japanese, oriental, taiwan, Uncategorized

Things I’ve Learned Stuffing Myself In Taiwan

14993559_10154045512027966_8809291375523534925_nStar anise ribs, chicken with chili, potato starch prawns, intestine, stinky tofu and chili, chicken with glutenous rice flour balls, green beans, stir fried squid. 

In Taiwan you will experience things you probably wouldn’t get a chance to in the West; over the past couple weeks I’ve had things like fish jaw, intestines, jellied pork blood, sea urchin and god knows whatever else. Continue reading “Things I’ve Learned Stuffing Myself In Taiwan”

Posted in fine dining, food review, salads, Uncategorized

M&S Lunch Takeaway Disaster

marks-and-spencer-logo

I was down my local Marks & Spencers fancy supermarket where all the posh office workers go to buy their quinoia salads and asparagus and I was all like “I, too, would like to give the impression that I am posh and have more disposable income that I know what to do with”.

And so it came to pass that the first few minutes of my lunch hour were spent in a daze of confusion as a plethora of ethnic and exotic foods greeted me: honey glazed salmon, mustard infused balsamic dressed edamame, slow roasted ham hock and I was all like “shall I just get a cheese and onion pasty from Greggs?”. But then I walked past the salad section and for a very reasonable price of £2.30 saw a tiny tub of SPIRIT of SUMMER Rice, Aduki Bean, Mango & Coconut Salad and I was all like “uh that looks pretty pretentious and horrible. Let’s prove my simple prejudices correct by buying it” So I did!

On getting back to my professional day job’s IT desk I inspected the inside of the packet:

salad

It appears the ingredients have infected by camera phone and forced the orientation into portrait. Anyway, how does it taste?

Even before sampling a mouthful I know how it’s going to go down: there will be an annoying taste of raw red pepper and it will smack slightly of Uncle Ben’s Rice Pots.

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In addition, the rice is sticky – in an unwanted sexy way – and the pineapple sauce is really sweet. The Aduki beans could easily pass for rabbit poo and after eating half the tub I give up and toss the packet into the bin.

On the plus side…!

There is no plus side. Stick to Greggs and save yer money. While you’re at it, hook me up on Twitter.

 

Posted in food review

Marks & Spencer Deli Antipasti Selection

I went to Marks and Spencer yesterday for a spot of lunch and bought this Deli antipasti stuff:IMG_2363

Most of it was OK but the olives were really weird and I felt the need to complain to M&S customer services but I couldn’t find an email for them so instead wrote to Mr Marc Boland, Chief Executive, as he was probably on the ball with this kind of stuff.

marc.bolland@marks-and-spencer.com

Subject: Bitter olives

Dear Marc

I was in one of your shops in Glasgow and I bought a packet of antipasti olives and they were really bitter and I was all like “by Mark’s and Spencer’s unusually high standards, these olives are very poor”. So I thought that you, being Chief Executive, would like to hear about my experience.

When I went back to the office, I wasn’t sure if it was just me being all hyper sensitive because I’m a world class food blogger, so I gave one to my boss, Dave, who’s face contorted into a painful mass of anger, fear, confusion and revulsion. I asked if I could take a picture so you could see just how bitter the olives were but he wouldn’t let me.

Instead I got him to draw a picture of himself being all repulsed by the olive menace:

IMG_2364

“I haven’t tasted anything this bitter since Paul Gascoine scored that jammy goal against us at Wembley”

I think this is a very important matter to draw to your attention; as a loyal customer of the salad bar section I admire your impeccable attention to detail and fine taste in dressings (not dresses, oh Mark! haha, lol)

Any feedback in this matter and a refund of the £2 I paid for the item would be great.

Yours sincerely

myfoodee blog