One day I was watching that film Finding Nemo (above) and it got me thinking “I bet fish food is amazing”!
As luck would have it, my home-style chef that I’m staying with in the USA keeps fish and had a packet of this incredible ingredient:
So, what’s inside the jar/can/packet?
Right, erm, OK….and how’s it taste?
Well, my Facebook food geeks had a few thoughts on the matter:
Dave Reilly: “It tastes like stale cum…. so… I… heard”
Emily Diamondflamer Payne: “It actually tastes kinda like stale fish dust (don’t ask me how I know that). Funnily enough, it’s made from fish.”
Jake Skelton: “it tastse likes stale crisps, fuck knows what it is like moistened though, maybe make an omelette?”
Well, enough jibber-jabber, what does fish food actually taste like?
The first taste was benign: a bit salty, a fraction fishy, a texture of rice paper. But there was a background flavor I couldn’t identify at first so this took me a few more goes to figure out…and my best approximation is that it tastes a bit like tripe or the smell of plasticine (if that makes sense) but this is not something I can say I enjoy at all.
But this is where things took a turn for the worse, you see I wanted to know what was in fish food so I looked at the back of the packet:
You may be surprised to see it says ‘NOT FOR HUMAN CONSUMPTION’ but more alarmingly, ‘Wash hands thoroughly before and after handling product’.
Well, like, who cares…
So, on what culinary adventure am I going to take this unique and probably quite toxic ingredient?
Over on Facebook Paterson Pancake suggests ‘Fishcakes’.
Kinda obvious really, but this is myfoodeeblog so I’m not going to make savoury fishcakes with breadcrumbs and the like, oh no! I’m going all out frou-frou fancy pants sponge fish cakes! Yes! I’m going to make my very own fish flake cup cakes with a lemon icing because fish+lemon=success!
I first start by consulting an appropriate cook book:
And start by mixing the butter and sugar:
To this mix I add two eggs and sieved self raising flour:
I then whisk this until smooth. This is my batter:
Next I run a control where most of my cup cakes are normal but one has a tasty fishy surprise. Can you guess which one?
I then transfer to an oven and bake at 350f (look I’m in the USA and everything is different over here) for 20 mins, after which I remove:
I then top the cakes with some lemon flavor icing and serve my toxic to humans fishy cup cake:
….and how’s it taste?
The annoying thing is that I can’t really pick up on the fish flakes and this annoys me. So I decide to give my fishy cup cake a turbo boost:
annnnnd how does that taste?
I believe that there are a few things in life no one should ever have to experience, such as having both legs blown off by a landmine or being involved in a bizarre spoon sharpening accident. Lets add to this the taste combo of cake, fish, sugar, offal, salt and lemon…Oh sweet lord…my lemon fish cup cake is really horrible and I only just manage to swallow (oo-er missus) the piece without throwing up 😦
So, overall, a bit of a toxic disaster, and not something I recommend you try under any circumstances, unless you want to grow scales and prance around some unconvincing underwater scene. But if you do fancy trying some fishyflakecakes, do tell my friends on Facebook, or let the current (is this the wrong kind of currant?) take you to my Twitter page.
In other news, I float around at huffpost.