Posted in art, Uncategorized

M8 Yer Dugs A Nazi

Some people are really stupid. Some people are really funny. The Scottish Prosecution Service (SPS) falls into the former and Mark Meechan, who posted a hilarious video of his girlfriend’s dog – trained to react pavlovian style to the phrases “gas the Jews” and “siege heil” online in April 2016 – falls into the latter.  Some two years later Mark has been found guilty of a hate crime at Airdrie Sheriff Court; in itself something any sane person would think a joke.

You’ll remember Katie Hopkins calling for pictures of dead refugees and Tommy Robinson labelling an entire ethnic group as evil and you’ll hopefully be of sound body and mind to realise that this is not the same. Not even fucking close.

Unfortunately the powers at the SPS are really dim and now Mark faces possible jail time for having a sense of humour. “You’re always going to get bonkers cases like this” remarks a Sheriff neighbour of mine when I outlined the case to him. How could we? Christ, I feel like blowing an airport sky high!!

I have a dark sense of humour and it’s landed me in trouble a couple times and cost me a job. I didn’t like the job anyway… I digress. Once I was playing around with the idea of writing a food blog post inspired by Jimmy Saville called ‘Cooking With Jimmy Saville’ and I was going to go round the super market looking for really young vegetables. And then my friend Susan suggested I look for deformed young vegetables and cook with them; y’know a carrot with a tiny wiener on it. HAHAHA! SPS would think I’m a paedophile!

But I want to see how far I can push this.

Deep breath

Say what you like about the Nazis, they were efficient and got things done. Plus, they wore awesome clothes. Hugo Boss. Top fashion. I think it would be great if they were around today and had gas chambers and instead of gassing jews they gassed stupid people. Stupid people exactly like the folks at the Scottish Prosecution Service prosecuting Mark. How about the Nazis rounded up the folks at the SPS and just like, you know, gassed them? Hahahaaaa! It would be great! No more stupid people confusing humour with very real and very damaging hate speech where folks get very hurt because people suck goddamit!

As I exhale slowly let’s catch up with Mark who was recently quoted as saying:

I just want everyone to know that I don’t wish any ill-will on any race or anything, it’s just how shock comedy works.

‘It was strictly made to annoy my girlfriend and give my friends something to laugh at.

‘I am so sorry to the Jewish community for any offence I have caused them. This was never my intention and I apologise.

No need to apologise Mark, that’s how humour works. You combine a few ideas like a cute dog and Adolf Hitler and combine them into something much more; humour should explore, not exhort.

What’s happening to us?


Posted in chinese, ethnic, experimental, fast food, fine dining, fish, food photography, food review, fungi, fusion, holiday food, japanese, oriental, taiwan, Uncategorized

Things I’ve Learned Stuffing Myself In Taiwan

14993559_10154045512027966_8809291375523534925_nStar anise ribs, chicken with chili, potato starch prawns, intestine, stinky tofu and chili, chicken with glutenous rice flour balls, green beans, stir fried squid. 

In Taiwan you will experience things you probably wouldn’t get a chance to in the West; over the past couple weeks I’ve had things like fish jaw, intestines, jellied pork blood, sea urchin and god knows whatever else. Continue reading “Things I’ve Learned Stuffing Myself In Taiwan”

Posted in fine dining, food review, salads, Uncategorized

M&S Lunch Takeaway Disaster


I was down my local Marks & Spencers fancy supermarket where all the posh office workers go to buy their quinoia salads and asparagus and I was all like “I, too, would like to give the impression that I am posh and have more disposable income that I know what to do with”.

And so it came to pass that the first few minutes of my lunch hour were spent in a daze of confusion as a plethora of ethnic and exotic foods greeted me: honey glazed salmon, mustard infused balsamic dressed edamame, slow roasted ham hock and I was all like “shall I just get a cheese and onion pasty from Greggs?”. But then I walked past the salad section and for a very reasonable price of £2.30 saw a tiny tub of SPIRIT of SUMMER Rice, Aduki Bean, Mango & Coconut Salad and I was all like “uh that looks pretty pretentious and horrible. Let’s prove my simple prejudices correct by buying it” So I did!

On getting back to my professional day job’s IT desk I inspected the inside of the packet:


It appears the ingredients have infected by camera phone and forced the orientation into portrait. Anyway, how does it taste?

Even before sampling a mouthful I know how it’s going to go down: there will be an annoying taste of raw red pepper and it will smack slightly of Uncle Ben’s Rice Pots.


In addition, the rice is sticky – in an unwanted sexy way – and the pineapple sauce is really sweet. The Aduki beans could easily pass for rabbit poo and after eating half the tub I give up and toss the packet into the bin.

On the plus side…!

There is no plus side. Stick to Greggs and save yer money. While you’re at it, hook me up on Twitter.


Posted in Uncategorized

Derek Acorah to sue Rhyl town council after getting beaten up by yobbo ghosts.

oh god

Denbighshire tomorrow, today.

A POPULAR TV psychic was filming in Rhyl this week for the hit TV show ‘Most Haunted’.

The trip was cut short however, after he was found on the pavement of Edward Henry Street flailing his arms and shouting incoherently. When passers by eventually stopped to help, Acorah claimed a gang of Burberry clad ghosts had assaulted him and was admitted to Bodelwyddan hospital.

acyThe TV star was physically unharmed, and discharged himself before being seen to by the psychiatric specialist.

“I should be free to go about my job without the threat of being attacked like this. They approached me and told me I was on their turf, all I wanted to do was find out if they had any messages for the living.” he said.

The only message here was Acorah receiving what he claims are ‘spiritual wounds’. He has begun proceedings to sue the town council and while…

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Posted in Uncategorized

Hi There How Can We Help You?

are you real?

Chrissie – Hi there! I am very real.

Chrissie – How can I help you today?

right, but you must get this a lot and I guess folks often wonder if you’re real and not a robot so before I tell what I need can I just ask you a few human sounding questions?

Chrissie – lol. Too true. And I’m ready for human questions 🙂

OK, so you’re in the desert and you see a tortoise lying on its back gasping for air but you don’t help. Why is that?

Chrissie – I should re-phrase that to human questions regarding WordPress 🙂 But just to answer – non issue. I would help the tortoise.

ok, right, this is a good start. Next question, ready?

Chrissie – If it’ related… 😉

right OK, got it. WordPress is in the desert and sees a tortoise lying on its back but wordpress doesn’t stop to help. Why is that?

Chrissie – lol. WP always helps

awesome! so, um, final question, and I think it is likely you are human, WP can’t possibly afford to have chat folks with every WP user so I’ve obviously clicked something to get onto some kind of marketing list. Can you advise?

Chrissie – We have the chat box open when we have operators available. It’s for those with any sort of upgrade on their blogs.

oh I see. I don’t think I’m after anything in particular because I’m happy with the product and if I’m being honest, needed a break from work and fancied a chat with a random

Chrissie – Well, it was a fun break in my day.

Chrissie – If you have any other questions, please feel free to open up chat and let us know 🙂

Chrissie – I hope you have a wonderful day!

I will and BTW I am human 

Chrissie – you sure?

oh bravo

I can prove it

Chrissie – Not just a robot who loves tortoises?

Chrissie – lol. Have a great day!

I’m a robot that loves Babymetal

Posted in Uncategorized

Folks Find My World Famous Site By Typing In Mental Things To Google Part 1,000900,00099

celiac blog colgate toothpaste made me sick

the fly telepod

my elderly cat just sucks the jelly off the cat food

hearties fish

best search engine to find people

cum on food egg white

can i put tomato in my playdough

is it ok for my cat to eat a bit of my chicken

how do you call those big fish fingers

what are ingridiant ar mix in colgat tothpast

how to mix cum with food so they don’t notice

bring back real sugar puffs, they actually tasted of honey

i’m happy with me pot noodle


More food antics soon.

Tell me what stuff to cook on Twitter if you’re super bored tho’