Posted in chinese, oriental

Felix As Good As It Looks Cat Food With Chicken In Jelly

packet

Ever since we kept cats when I was a child have I wondered what cat food actually tastes like so it was with a steely determination that I headed down to my local grocery shop!

I think I might have freaked out the cashier cos when she said something about “lucky cat!” and I said “I don’t have a cat” her facial expression changed from cheeree-ee-ness to something that resembled 89% utter confusion and 11% pure terror.

Anyway, what’s inside the packet?

inside packet

It appears we have a problem of some magnitude; it looks bad and it smells not good at all, but does it taste ‘as good as it looks?’

Yes, horrendously disgusting.

Now, to be fair I did try this stuff about 4 times because I wanted to identify its unique flavours so I can reasonably say it is one of the most horrible things I have ever eaten. It tastes of chicken, yes, but there is something so very very unpleasant about it I almost vomit; it has a very burnt-rubber undertone and the chicken is chewy and tough; it is slightly sulphorous and the jelly is slightly more palatable than the chicken bits in so far as it doesn’t provoke such a strong vomiting response.

So, can I turn this into something edible?

OK, I think I’m going to make a Chinese stir fry because they eat cats in China so maybe there’s a logical tie-in there. OK, chinese take-away it is!

ingredients

I have an gherkin (fresh), some sugar snap peas, ginger garlic, soy sauce, cumin, Yeungs Concentrated Chinese Curry Mix, sweet chilli sauce and Felix As Good As It Looks Cat Food With Chicken In Jelly.

I first add the ginger, garlic and chilli into a pan for a couple of minutes to soften. I then add the vegetables, the cat food and the sauces and flash fry for another 90 seconds. At this point I was expecting the frying cat food to smell unbearable but interestingly it doesn’t give off any odour when cooking.

cooking

The final step is to serve up with some sticky rice I made last night:

end

So, how’s it taste?

1% edible. This is a very challenging dish to eat. There are nice enough flavours from the spices, vegetables and sauces but the cat food lends a weird flavour and horrid texture to the dish: I can still taste that sulphorous and burnt rubber and I feel a bit ill. The dish also makes my mouth produce an alarming amount of saliva so I end up drooling all over the place.

For the second time in this blog, I am defeated.

So, have you eaten cat food? You have? Are you mad? Right, so what shall I cook with next? Fire over to the facebook page and tell me!

OR / AND twitter

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Author:

I write dumb things about food

30 thoughts on “Felix As Good As It Looks Cat Food With Chicken In Jelly

    1. er, so it wasnt a fresh gherkin. WHAT THE HELL WAS IT THEN?! I got it from a polish delicatessen so i have no idea what it was

  1. I remember this one time, when I was about seven years old, attempting to feed my dog Meg…as I held the tin of dogfood as far away from my nose as my little-kid arm would allow, and tried to fork the food out into her bowl, it suddenly schlupped out of the tin in one bulbous and glossy mass, landing in the bowl with a “pat” sound. The smell that filled my nostrils – and, for some reason, that “pat” – was so sick-making that I vomited immediately into the nearest receptacle: Meg’s bowl. Expectant Meg, tail wagging furiously at this exciting new dinner cocktail, schnarfed it right up before I could get the bowl away from her – causing my to vomit again, this time all over the floor. It was ok, though; Meg cleaned it up.

  2. Your mistake was using wet cat food. The dry crunchy kind will make excellent croutons for your next caesar salad. Get fish flavor, and you won’t even need anchovies.

  3. @Zita: Chinese people (amongst others) have been known to eat cats, though. So I imagine there are some who are not offended by this (hilarious) blog. @Commonsense: when are you going to cook up some garden snails? Or slugs or worms, for that matter? They eat those in Africa. You could do a Ghanaian worm curry, for example.

  4. My partner and I stumbled over here different page and thought I should check things out.

    I like what I see so now i am following you.
    Look forward to looking over your web page for a second time.

  5. Total respect for trying this, you are slightly nuts though! I guess this beats ‘I’m a Celebrity’ and their slightly weak ‘Bush Tucker Trial’ hands down…

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