Posted in budget, southern fried

Marks and Spencer Extra Lean Corned Beef


I was starving and looked inside my friend’s fridge and saw this and was all like “oh Jesus, really, oh god, no, surely not. Oh man, oh hell, oh Mr Big Balls on a bike. Seriously? Oh GOD, really? No, someone help me, for the love of Christ, please, Jesus, no!” Yes, I was SUPER excited to try this stuff!

But seriously, I hate corned beef with a passion because it tastes bland and sinister and at school I broke a tooth on a bit of bone in it. So I’m not going to enjoy this blog post much and will have to use all my ninja skillz to make something edible.

After some very serious thought I reckon a first step would be to inject some flavour into the soulless, cold, dead, haunted heart of the corned beef (CB):

mix ingredients

1/2 tsp fennel and cumin seeds,  i clove garlic, 1 cm3 ginger

And I’m going to put these into a mixing bowl with the CB and create something along the lines of a CB kofti…

in the thing

I’m not messing around with this blog post am I? I mean, before you’ve had a second to collect your thoughts I’m already onto my dipping sauce:


Juice 1 lemon, 1 tsp fish sauce, red chill, corriander, sugar for balance.

And I’m going to do a slight twist on my CB koftis: I’m going to breadcrumb them:

production line

Right to left: CB kofti, milk, breadcrumbs.

And here’s the koftis before cooking:


And I’m going to deep fry these on a high oil heat (150c) for about two minutes or until they turn golden brown. They actually sound really nice don’t they?

Mmmm, served with that cutting, salty, zingy dipping sauce. Mmmmmm yum yum:


Well, it’s fairly clear that my CB koftis were a disaster; not only did they begin to fall to bits during cooking but they also taste fairly horrible: very salty, oily, sinister and the dipping sauce is probably unbalanced by virtue of being too sweet. God corned beef sucks balls food fans and I am never cooking anything with it ever again.

So, do you like corned beef and are laughing all hard at me on account of my cluelessness-ness? You ARE? HOW DARE YOU! How dare you dare ME on Twitter!

And if you like my blog and I make you laugh or you’re learning something new (look, I can hope, right?) then why not vote for me at the Observer Food Monthly awards; I would be so very happy if you did!





I write dumb things about food

One thought on “Marks and Spencer Extra Lean Corned Beef

  1. I could not ask for a better place to buy CB radios and accessories. They have everything. My local CB shop was out of inventory on the radio and specific mount that I wanted for my jeep, so I purchased it from Super CB. The delivery was much faster than expected and they answered all my questions in their resource section.I purcased a 75WXST with an antenna and mount kit through Super CB and could not have been happier with the level of service and speed of delivery. Only place I will buy my CB’s from now on. It delivered a day before it was expected.

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