Posted in cocktails, desserts, fast food, Uncategorized

Ordering a Milkshake

So I’m off drinking all this month and have decided to replace beer with chocolate ice cream milkshakes, as you do, and I make these milkshakes by combining chocolate ice cream with milk and then blending. 

Last night I went down to my local cafe and tried to order a chocolate ice cream milkshake.

“Hi can I have a chocolate ice cream milkshake?”

“Oh, we don’t have any chocolate ice cream, just vanilla. But we can put some chocolate powder in it”

“That’s fine”

“So it’s like a normal milkshake?”

“Uh, I guess, but made with ice cream. You put one part ice cream and one part milk into a blender and blend it”

“So, uuh, it’s a milkshake with ice cream?”

“Uh, it’s an ice cream milkshake”

“So you want a milkshake with some ice cream in it?”

“I want an ice cream milkshake where you blend ice cream and milk together”

“Uh, that’s too fancy. I’ll just do a milkshake and put some ice cream in it”

“Uuuuh, OK”

So at this point I’m all like WTF and whatever and fairly confident I’ll get some drink incorporating ice cream, chocolate and milk. But then when I’m sitting down I’m hearing the grinding of ice in a blender. And 5 minutes later I get a crushed ice chocolate milkshake with ice cream floating on top. So I say thank you and proceed to mash in the ice cream, shaking my head as I do so.

I wasn’t taking this lying down.

“Hi can I get another milkshake please, but this time can you blend the ice cream with the milk and put no ice in it?”

“Uh, that’s too fancy. Do you want another milkshake?”

“Yes, but no crushed ice and the ice cream blended with the milk.”

“I don’t understand what you mean. But I’ll put the ice cream in the bottom of the glass.”

“Uh….uh, just blend the ice cream. And no ice”

“OK, I’ll make another milkshake”

So another 5 minutes pass and this time I get another chocolate and crushed ice milkshake with unblended ice cream. But this time with the added bonus of UHT whipped cream floating on top! So I try to mash everything together but end up pressing really hard on the ice cream and the contents of the glass go all over the table along with most of the whipped cream. So I sit there, mashing away what remains in my glass, salty tears of defeat streaming down my face. Silent, defeated.

This happens everyday to me. But how about you? Do folks not understand you? Are you mizzundastood? You ARE? Are you Lady Gaga? Oh…oh I see…

Anyway, maybe some food cookery shebaggery next week. But if you miss me, I’m always shaking away on twitter.


I write dumb things about food

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