Posted in desserts, fish, Uncategorized

Birds Eye Fish Fingers

Arr me hearties! Yar should watch thar that advertisement otherwise yarr be no unnerstandin the rest of the post!


So I know what you’re thinking: an old man, kids, boat, alone, at sea…

You’re thinking “just how would such a sea-fairing vessel perform in a wartime situation, perhaps if attacked by pirates off the east coast of Somalia? For surely it is manned only by several dozen school children, a slightly eccentric and creepy old man, and they are armed with nothing more than several hundred rounds of a delicious breadcrumbed savoury snack?”

Anyway these thoughts were all the inspiration for my next blog post so off I trotted to my local convenience store and returned with the following:


Haaaaarrr 😉

So what to do with them?

Well, my Facebook page was full of ideas when I asked them about their Favourite Fish Finger story (FFF story)!

S from Croydon writes “Here is my fish finger story. It’s not my story, really, but belongs to a guy called ‘Big Pete’, who I used to work with at the Arches. Pete was a bit of a ladies man and one night he took a woman home after the club. They were in bed together when she asked him if he had any ice cubes because she liked to use then to help her climax. Unfortunately Pete couldn’t find any ice cubes, but he did have some frozen fish fingers, which apparently did the job just as well.”

And Steve from Wales chirrups “this one time i fingered a carp”

Ceridwen moans “My brother killed our toaster by drunkenly trying to cook fishfingers in it”

Dan quips “For Fucksake Fuck off Favourite Fish Finger story!”

My Facebook friends are about as much use as a drunken shower of clowns.

But then I had a brainwave….fish, frozen, packet, birds, captain….

Fish Finger flavoured ice cream!! This is going to be BRILL!

And here are my ingredients:


250mls single cream and milk; 2 egg yolks; 100g sugar; 1 Fish Finger

I start by making the creme anglais: I heat the milk and cream in a sauce pan and in another bowl whip the sugar and the egg yolks. When the milky cream is just too hot to touch I add to the egg mix (not other way round). This is your ice cream base.

In another bowl I have mashed up a Fish Finger:

mashed up

And I am going to run a control here and have two versions of my ice cream:


On the left: plain; right: blended with Fish Finger. And I’m going to pop these into my professional chef’s freezer and will hand beat over the next two hours until they set properly.

After which I have these!

ice cream(left: plain; right: Fish Finger Flava)

Annnnnnnnd how do they taste?

Well mine is fine and I eat all of it and want more.

Onto the Fish Finger one….

This a strange experience; at first it tastes just like normal ice cream, but like a stealth assassin, wave upon wave of weirdness creeps up on you; first its the salty taste, then the strange breaded taste of the coating and then an ultra subtle Fish Finger Flavour. It doesn’t taste fishy by the way, just very strange. After a few more tries I come to the conclusion that it is pretty much disgusting and it makes me feel sick. The chocolate doesn’t help it much either.

So another inspired recipe dashed against the rocks of another culinary disaster arrr!

So, do like ice cream? Do you like th’ Cap’n? Haaaarrrrr!

Be off to ye Facebook page wit ya!

Thar be also Twitter.

And I be on Huffpost




I write dumb things about food

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